Another Day

Yet another day in London..however, no touristy things have been achieved yet..haha..accept for eating duck in Bayswater..effing A+ man..how will I survive without it now :p

Another new hostel I'm checked into today..it's nice n quiet, compared to the one yesterday..but far too cold, with no hot water to shower at night..sayang..put this environment with yesterdays facilities and u have a winner man..

There's a rat in the kitchen..no, too cute n small to be a rat..a mouse maybe..eee..haha..

Something really bad and embarrassing happened tonight..I cannot explain, but I hope it never happens again..but God sent me an angel to save me then..alhamdulillah..

Wanna wake up early for breakfast tomorrow..n do a bit of work before going out for the day..I really hope I will succeed :)

Ok, laundry's done..until later.

-end-

Boxing Day

My first boxing day conquests include :

1. Pink Toga Dress




and

2. Storybook!




Hehe..that's it..I think tomorrow may include a couple of yarn balls for my Popo..if I can afford it..n that's it :p

Don't wanna go broke in Paris..

Goodnight!

Great Day for Giving

i'm in London, with sara-chan and her family..it's been a really nice and homey christmas so far, which is my favourite kind; nice, quite, comfortable and with great company..

this morning will be boxing day as it is past midnight already..we plan to leave really early to hunt for superb bargains and i'll have to make my way to my new bed for 3 nights..i'm starting to get nervous again :p sigh..need to sleep real soon..

i miss my parents and my brother..i wish they were here spending christmas with me..i wish i could be going back to a hotel room with them tomorrow..but that's not the case..sigh..it's still better than staying in Liverpool freaked and alone anyway.. so let's though it out and be more bad ass, yeah!! need to learn to travel on my own..

i also miss madam yaya..haha..it would have been great to meet her in London for christmas..but she deserves a better holiday than being stranded in a freezing airport..so we'll hopefully catch-up in summer, insyaAllah :)

we're letting back-to-back episodes of "southpark" disturb us to sleep..how disturbing is that :p

and a big congratulations to my cousin on her wedding yesterday!..it's unfortunate that i couldn't be there..but still fantastic all in all..i really wish i could teleport right now..someday, this will all be possible..ngahahahahaha..

goodnight dear cyber space..thanks for listening :)

Idle Mind

do you believe in instincts?..like the ability for your gut to tell you or rather inspire you to feel a certain way about/towards something..even when all the facts and situations are pointing in a completely different direction, your gut just still won't shut up..seriously, what do you do next?..

i wasn't prepared before..but now i know i am..i'm sure of it..i've regained my stability, i have accepted and moved on and i am now able to be rational, i believe..i sound like a chant from one of those self-help books..omg..

i don't know if what i'm feeling is real..i don't know anything anymore..but whatever i do feel is hella strong and it is not going away and i hate it..i hate being this out of control, it's stupid..i should be way past this childish phase of obsession..but instead what i know for sure is that it hurts so damn bad when it breaks into a million pieces in front of me and i can't fix it..and it doesn't effing go away..f***, go away!..i hate reading a blank wall, i hate the scary expanse of open sea..i h a t e i t a l l

but unfortunately this shitty roller-coaster i'm strapped into is the only thing that makes me feel, cornily enough, "alive"..it keeps life interesting..and as much as i hate it, i'm in love with it..what the hell is wrong with me..

maybe it's a good thing to distract myself with travelling..maybe i should just walk away and stay away..but these freakin fantasies are too tempting to ignore..oh God, i'm so pissed at myself right now!

arghhh, this silence in my room is killing me!..and i sound like a freakin psycho..super..

just for the record, i'm not suicidal or anything..and i'm emotionally perfectly fine..maybe doing too "fine" even :p..i'm just having a stupid problem with myself and i can't seem to fix it..i need to stop dreaming and focus..i can't seem to focus..dammit.

Troubled Nerves

i stopped posting for a while..i actually considered stopping completely..but i succumb to the need for a place to rant my mindless thoughts..somewhere to technically receive and store it without having to give anything back..it's good therapy i think..and it doesn't bother people who don't look for it..

i'm leaving for London in a day..it's 2 am and i'm so nervous i can't sleep..i need to wake up early tomorrow to do a few more things before departing..yet i'm awake, nervous and yawning..

i'm worried about everything..tickets, accommodation, money, unforeseen circumstances, did i forget anything? important documents? blah, blah, blah..i hate it when there's no pre-prepared plan..but i do everything without good pre-planning most of the time..my brother would be so "proud" :p

it's the 1st time i will be travelling technically alone..effing nerve wrecking..ughhhhh..never in my life i thought i would wish to cancel a fun filled fortnight and just stay in my room due to nerves..i thought i was more bad-ass than that..dammit!..

please, oh please God let this be a good and worth-it first trip..i'm so stressedddddd..i can't even concentrate on "Dexter"! i thought an episode would calm me ('0_0') i'm so worriedddddddddddddd..ughh, i'm such a loser..

ok, enough complaining..wish me luck infinite cyber world..please let me come back in one piece, alive, breathing, perfectly well, with all things and limbs intact :p i can't believe i'm typing this shiet..i'm crazy..

goodnight.

October Blues

so..

it's been a dreadful month..haha..had my first taste of final crit and first project here..omg..who ever said that it's easier to study overseas than at home is dead wrongggggg!!!! i feel as if i've been lied to! :(( it's so tough i want to dieeeeeee..ughhhhhhhh..i feel like such a loser, and like such a boring designer and so uncool compared to everyone else..it's so easy to fall into depression like this..arghhhhhhh..oh man..

on a lighter note, i absolutely LOVE our school workshop..i want to kiss the laser cutter machine!..i want one for myself someday, i'm serious..if i could, i would so spend my holidays there just making stuff for fun..it's such a magical place :) i love it!

ok, story time..i had, i would award it, my worst ever day in my life last Sunday, the 7th of November 2010..

- i slept for only 2 hours the night before

- travelled to Nottingham at 5 in the morning

- arrived in the freezing cold clearly a lost cause and unprepared for the weather

- spent 12hours there doing God knows what to kill time

- arrived back in Liverpool tired and sick at 10pm

- forced myself to attend a party because the host is heaven-sent at 12am

- got my wallet taken form my bag

- had to call home n the bank at 4 in the morning to cancel all cards

- woke up at 11 bitter and hungry

- exploded 4 eggs in my face while preparing breakfast, seriously

- got 1st degree burns for my ignorance

- chelsea lost 2-0

it was so much to take in, in a day..i felt so completely depressed after..

i am now close to being broke..yet i hope to go to London on Wednesday..how will i manage that? let's soon find out..hehe..*sigh sigh sighhhhhhhh*

and btw, i think i've found something..something i feel very strongly for..but i'm still hesitating and i don't know why..but i'm sure i want it, i'm quite serious and ready..but i'm not creating any opportunities, horribly enough, i think i'm messing things up..ugh, whatever..just an addition to my depressive situation i guess..*sigh again*

i should sleep now, i'm babbling..will put up a proper post soon :p

goodnight world..please don't be mean to me anymore, ok?..

thanks in advance.

-end-


edit (23rd December 2010) : Omg, i'm an idiot..i just noticed my post title says "October Blues" instead of "November"..wow, fantastic..lol XD

Quick Week Update

this is post no.101..i don't feel as if i've published 100 posts, but what the heck..

this past week has been ridiculous..so much has happened and the net was down for a while so now there's a pile up of info flooding my mind that i need to just lash out..

1. Saturday : Bold Street Festival was spent with awesome Chloe n funny Fahmi..most interesting was the stuff we found by the street on sale n in quaint stores..there was a few different food tasting stalls, a stage for homegrown bands, street artists (literally), public participation salsa dancing, drum banging with football tricks guy anddddd i got good quality 2nd hand Dorothy Perkins boots for £3..supreme fun..

2. Monday : Introduction class to Practice Management & Law..i liked how it was presented n am looking forward to the subject..some quotable quotes; "do not use lift in case of fire" - argumentatively speaking, it should be "do not use lift in the event of fire"..how words and its structure can mean different things when not 'written' properly..so much fun..haha..the lecturer asked "who enjoys the writing of contract terms (or something) in architecture?" and there was dead silence..i really wanted to raise my hand, that'll just make me the weirdo, so i had to refrain from getting too excited :p

3. Monday night : Lacuna Coil, live at O2 Academy..i was freakin delirious..enough said.

4. Tuesday : Precedent Study visit, Derwen College @ Shropshire..enlightening stuff..i hope to fuel such an initiative back home someday..it was thought provoking and inspiring for me..and the food they served were prepared by their kitchen with the student themselves involved in production..it was the best berry muffin, cheese sandwich n palak paneer rolls i've ever tasted in my entire life..i would pay a lot for such care n love in the quality :)

5. Wednesday : Site Visits in the morning..it was raining on and off..myself n the camera got all soggy-foggy on the surface..it was cold although i came prepared with a hoodie pull-over..caught-up with Sara at the city centre at around noon..chilled n did some registration stuff till late in the evening..had dinner together with Elia n slept over in their hotel room..

6. Thursday : spent the whole day with Sara, Elia, Auntie n Salam..more registration and settling in stuff got done..met Ken the banker n loved his attitude..was sold at the end of our conversation..settled uni things at the foundation building..went back home in the evening n fried myself rice which turned out quite alright..

7. Friday : with still nothing done for studio, finally opened an account in the morning..got some sort of a start in the noon and attended another induction at 2pm..had lunch after, then continued to complete more tasks in the evening..attended a M'sian icebreakers night for dinner n games, then went walking around unexplored parts of Liverpool with a part-time tour guide n newly made friend Syafiq and the gang (Sara, Salam, Chloe n Fahmi)..

it was a fantastic week..i am now dead tired n hopes to stop slacking off n having too much fun..it's just so difficult to be fully focused in this fabulous city..

am in love with Liverpool :^* :^)

45 is the new 100%

i'm not sure how it happened exactly, but i completely missed Wednesday last week..like i was so sure it's Friday today, n although everyone was referring to it as Saturday, i was completely unfazed..until about 2.am this morning..shit, i completely missed Wednesday..that's why i thought it was Friday..sigh..

and this matters because i thought i'd still have today to open my bank account and get a mobile plan and pass my passport to the school for verification and meet a NHS consultation slot and lots more! ugh..i feel so stupid......

now all i can do is go to the city centre n get my shoes changed n buy some groceries..wtf man..

a wasted end to the week..

so yesterday was the "pre-introduction"(?) to the MArch course..i freaked out upon arrival..seriously..i was the only freakin asian in the room when i walked in..it's soo freakin racist of me, but it just really scared the crap out of me..but eventually i think it's a good thing though..i forced my way into studying in the UK because i wanted this out-of-the-norm experience..so this is it, n it's a good thing..(n when i say "forced" i really mean it, like i maneuvered everything possible around me to get to this point)..so i guess "be careful what u wish for" really applies..

like, i've always known that i have inferiority issues..so honestly i was disappointed that i didn't make it into Bath or Sheffield for their MArch (they're my top choices), n almost everyone i know who applied for Liverpool got it, so i didn't think much of it..but after yesterday i was like "ok...."..because the way they do it here is that the head of programme chooses his students personally, like he actually vets through all the applications himself, n he's someone who remembers specific parts of peoples portfolios but maybe not their names..

he actually said this to everyone, "i want you all to know that out of 250 applicants only 45 of you made the cut, and you should know that you're here because we think that you're really good and that you would be able to do this course very well"..and that just honestly made me feel like a million bucks..it just made my day..my freakin week even..i don't care if anyone else agrees, but if someone, a practicing professional architect who validates architectural courses internationally to be exact, thinks that i am worth his attention in this unforgiving architectural universe of scrutiny, i am happy..honestly..dramatic..hahahahaha! :p

it also freaked me out how you could cut the competitive tension in the air with a freakin plastic spoon!..like everyone's here to kill it i felt..it was really intimidating..everyone ranged from about 22-25 years of age, so it's a fairly young class..n everyone is at least a head taller than me, even my new found Malaysian friend/studiomate Chloe..sighhhhhhh..freakin short stuff..my elstonian flatmates were joking about how small i was that they're just so afraid when they hug me or accidentally bump me i'll break..geez..i'm so freakin asian ok..damn..hahahaha

on a lighter note, i don't think i'll be hooking up with any of my coursemates..hahahahahahahaha..not that there aren't any good loking ones, like there's freakin loads, apa jenis u nak? cute blonde, edgy dark eyed brunette, jocky looking, chillax long haired grunge, the general handsome ones, yang pendek macam asian pun ada, seriously like anything..it's ridiculous..but like it's soooo tensed, like i can feel it already, the sizing up, the discriminating stares..like hey, i'm doing it too man..it's normal..i think that everyone would just end up hating/respecting each other too much..there's a very fine line between, yeah?..haha..i don't know..but this is a good kind of tension though, i feel that there's a colourful aura to it, not like the usual creepy "i'll stab ur back n with hold information ones" that's familiar..so it's all good so far :)

ok, so this is getting a bit too long..n i still have no photos to break the post into enjoyable portions..so until the next time i feel like writing again :) hopefully by then got photos already..

be happy, don't worry..watagatapittusberry!

- Pittbull & more

Take me Over, Make me Strong

to rationalize is to be weak, is it..but ultimately it's between urself n God right..justification is irrelevant especially if the law has been spelled out..but realizing or accepting/acknowledging the fact that what u're doing is wrong and wanting to be better when possible is better than not doing anything at all..but it's still not right right, right..sigh..life is hard isn't it..

so easy how we come undone..

Dishwalla - Candleburn..

A New Beginning

it's my second day in Liverpool and after almost 2 months of silence i'm ready to blog again :)

so i was the butt of a bit of drama when i arrived in Manchester..being the occasionally half deaf person i am, i misheard this senior airport officer who was segregating people arriving into lines..he was saying "non-students" but ofcourse i heard "students"..how dumb right..then i kena marah by him really loudly when i reached the counter..i was so embarrassed, it took me a good half hour to get over it..sigh..but it's alright, i think my face went charcoal black after and the officer that dealt with me i think felt really sorry n was being really nice about it..

i fell asleep on the bus to Liverpool..so i was out cold for like 3/4 of the journey..haha..but as soon as i woke up..the view was just amazing..i really felt like i'm on campus ground u know..with halls, n fields, n departments, n a real-life gothic cathedral..i'm like "oh yeah, this is for real!"..haha!

i'm happy with my room..its size is just right and with the addition of my computer, a small floor mat, toiletries rack n blue tacked photos, soon it's gonna be awesome..

so i'm taking note of how many friends i've made right..haha..i'm just lame like that..whether or not they consider me a friend as well is a separate matter :p n officially it's 10 and counting..yeaahhhhhh!! hahaha

1. Wendy from China
2. Michelle from Taiwan
3. Alex from Romania
4. Arsene from France
5. Dikla from Israel
6. Fahmi from Indonesia
7. Samad from Spain
8. Hennah from China
9. Zheng from China
10. Irina from Elstonia

cool right! :D..i'm hella proud of myself man..ngehehehe..i'm such a geeeeekkkkkk..sigh..i still find making friends sooo difficult..it's ok, crash course time!

and i'm suffering from some shit ass jet lag at the mo..it's in that stage where it's half cured so i still zombie-size at around 5.30pm but instead of sleeping in up till 4am i'm awake at 9pm, headaches n all..dangit..so Arsene had asked if i wanted to chill n i said i'd really love to after i take a nap n now it's freakin 10pm so he's probably out having fun already..bummerrrrr :(

oh oh, n i passed the School of Architecture building today n i feel it man..like seriously, i FEEL IT!..inspired n all!!..rrroooaaaaaarrrrrr!! hahaha!!!..hope i'll be able to cope..the coolness of everything is kinda intimidating n freakin me out :p haven't met any studio mates yet though..would be really interesting..hmm hmm hmmmmmm

so yeah..everything's going alright as of now..i was feeling a bit emo-ed out this evening..i think homesickness is kicking in :( n everytime i pay for something my brain automatically multiplies by 5 which makes me feel like i don't want to eat anything..hahaha..but if it's considered pound for pound, i think the living cost here is not bad at all..

i also think that some locals tend to be quite racist unintentionally..but who could blame them, it seems like half their country is covered in foreigners..things can get quite lonely n boring if takde kawan, so i think berkawan-kawan is seriously important man..

so i'm experiencing problems uploading anymore photos..dunno why..will put up some stuff in my next post then :) all in all, i'm having a great time..thank God..hopefully it'll carry on this way till whenever..i'm gonna make myself dinner now, goodnight~*

Nightmare at 2.30am

Ok, I'm agitated and I can't sleep..so I've decided to write this post..

My gut has been quite accurate so far, if I really listened..I felt strongly on the win against Argentina, it was worrying but the winning feeling was there..I was however in denial with Spain and underestimated their slightly inconsistent form..clearly I was wrong and they played really well..

Confession : the day before the world cup began my mom had asked me who I thought would be champions this time around, and my answer was Spain..I didn't share this with anyone else..

I know, I'm such a traitor..

I've been a German fan since we (my wc girlfriends for life!!) started to watch this crazy time stopping worldwide event..it is officially our 3rd wc together n as German fans through n through..I don't even remember how we got about to being German fans but I think it had something to do with Michael Ballack, n the superb skills of Kahn, Lehman, Klose, Lahm, Mertesacker and the rest of the superstar senior team, just to name some favourites..

4 years ago, we being excitable young teens, stitched our own German gear, painted our nails black, red n yellow, even bought matching shoe laces to show our support..unfortunately, in the semis, Germany lost to Italy on penalties..we watched that game on foot for the full duration of 120minutes + + as we couldn't get a table..it was heartbreaking..

Today, history has repeated itself..only involving Spain this time, without penalties or even extra time..and all 3 of us girls were watching in separate venues..without too much German "merchandise" :p (there's a word for it, but I can't seem to dig it out of my brain)

Heartbreaking, again..

I will however admit that Spain was the better team today, with little drama involved in play for both sides..it was the worste Germany has performed in this wc, which did not suck considering they've been tremendous through out, and the best game from Spain so far..their passing was impeccable, aggressive atacking, crazy close-control and great team work..n most importantly, they delivered when it mattered the most..

I had said that if Germany was able to block-out Villa from scoring and prevent an early Spain goal then they would win..I was wrong..they did both n they still lost..

It was a good German team this year..mad young skills..just unfortunately not good enough..n I think Muller being out of the game had caused a big hole in their attacking formation..Klose, Muller, Ozil n Podolski have been playing really well together..I'm in love with Mesut Ozil btw..but am a little disappointed in his last 2 games though..I'm sure he can do better..*sigh..

All in all, my gut is sticking with Spain for champions..let's see if my gut is as accurate as Paul the octopus :p I'm so angry at this animal right now, although I know it's not its fault..sorry Paul, you're my punching bag for the rest of the world cup.

For what it's worth, Los Deutchsland!! Ich denke un dich.

Just Another Day In "Paradise"

Kena marah today by my brother for coming home late 2 days in a row because of work..sh** man..this sucks..

I can't just leave when I know things are not done..I just can't..nanti cannot sleep thinking about it anyway..same difference..

But I know he's right though, I'm not handling my hand over very well..I need to be more aggressive..I need to completely let go and let them feel the load..then maybe they'll buck up and step up..

I should start thinking about myself and my personal priorities already..

I'm scared man..I feel like I have zero knowledge in my head for September..I'm not ready if I stay like this..I NEED to set my stuff straight man..

Haish..wish me luck :p

July is suppose to be fun dammit!

Today was an odd day..

It was freezing although the sun was up strikingly bright..

I had enough sleep but felt like I stayed up for 2.30 football that morning..

Ppl just decided to go on emergency leave and left me to die alone..

My boss seemed to have had forgotten some things that started to confuse me n gave me a headache..

I wanted to listen to mellow music again..

Something exploded, literally, as I was crossing towards that direction..luckily I didn't cross the street yet..

Pappa rich was jam packed at 10pm on a Monday night..

I didn't finish work..obviously..I was disappointingly unable to juggle the work load of 3..

I drove back half asleep at 12.30am..

But now I can't sleep.......

Seriously........

:(

Lover Boy

I want one, and I want one nowwww! Pleaseee???? *big puss-in-boots type eyes*


Omg..Steven Strait is 24 and born on March 23..shiiieeeetttt!! He's like perfect! Lol! But he's freakin married..suck.... :p

Brightest of Sunshines

Will you miss me when I'm gone?

.....

Because I'm sure I'll miss you heart-breakingly

.....

Would you like to come with me?

.....

Will you still be here when I get back?

.....

I love you so much, from the bottom of my heart, I do.

Bright Blue Star

There's an awkward girl with an awkward scar..with awkward hair and an awkward guitar..

She loves to laugh and sing her blues..she loves to dance in high-heeled shoes..

She sees the world as it should seem..in her mind only and her awkward dreams..

She sees her life as an endless stream..of days to come and hearts to seam..

She yearns to feel what she longs so much..of faithful winters and autumn's touch..of summer glows and spring's unknowns..to learn again of sticks and stones..

He's standing there in plain view and sight..looking over her, to her left and right..She's invisible....

yet she's alright..she's gonna be perfectly alright..as soon as she finds her way home again..

Goodnight Goodnight

"I found your finger tips on a glass of wine, do you know you're leaving them all over this heart of mine too..

Ale, Alehandro......"

Want your Bad Romance

It's 2 am..and I'm still cafeine induced..no more white coffee after 5pm I think..

U make me feel like dancing, I wanna dance the night away! U make me feel like dancing, I feel like dancing (ooh!) dancing (ooh!) dance the night away~*

But I love olives..and Barney is funny..and Robyn is hot..and ted's an architect?..and he is so not "pulling them off", red cowboy boots are just weird..and I want lily's silk vest please?..

Can I be Tamina? Can Dastan be real life?..I've always wanted to be a princess :p like in a weird enchanted world kinda way..like Ariel, or Jasmine, or Belle..eh, is Belle a princess?..but Dastan is totally hotter than prince Eric..

I think Twilight is shallow and indulgent..but Taylor Lautner is super hot..and short cropped hair is so very sexy..

I want Phuket back..I want beach and sea water..I want jet ski and speed boat..I want sun block perfume..

This post is completely mengarut..dammit, I can't sleep..



Hipstamatic's cool yo..

Awesome + Amazing = Awesommazing! XD

We made this trip in early March this year..i'm only putting up pictures now..because i'm lambat like that :p

Day one : Flight took off at 7.30am Malaysian time..arrived around 9.30 local time..was so glad the hotel had prepared our room and we could check in..we rested a bit, watched something on HBO, then left for a walk..it was a very VERY long walk..but it was super fun :)

Day Two : We booked an Island Tour thing for the day..it was really nice, but really tiring..we had lunch at 3-ish after spending the morning swimming and sweating bullets on the front of a speed boat with no shade..the heat was murderous..which explains the towel on head..Maya Bay isn't as pretty as when it was on The Beach..and most of their corals had died after the Tsunami, which is really sad..but the trip was still extremely scenic..and we shared the unshaded part of the ferry with a group of other excitable Malaysians..they were funny :)

Day Three : We booked an Adventure Tour for the 3rd day..i felt that this was especially worth it..the bus rides took a lot of time though but the activities we had were super!..we rode on elephants, raced on ATV's, went kayak-ing, did the fish spa thing, took photos at james bond island, ate at the muslim fishing village place and made friends with a couple from Shanghai, 3 Singaporeans and a group of Palestinians (i think, they mentioned but i'm not remembering very clearly)..it was great!..this particular tour was worth every cent :)

Day Four : Our flight back was in the evening so we had time for last minute shopping, thai massage, henna tattoo-ing and hair braiding..ah moi lost her lens cap and sors lost an earing..which we later noticed in photos once back home..haha..sors henna tattoo says "solaiyah" in full thai fashion..ah moi got her hair braids..and i got my massage..yeay..

it's also probably "important" to mention that we had air kelapa everyday, even when we were on the kayak, ah moi and sors had mango with sticky rice every day as well and i had seafood fried rice every night..even on the first night, after ah moi and sors fell asleep, i ordered room service :p because food's always important right..hehe..we watched cartoons every morning and movies every other time we were in our room..we also went to indian street every night and watched super hot she-males strut their stuff..they also had a couple of random people doing side street shows here and there..we wanted to watch one of those "shows" but chickened out through better judgement..Phuket was awesome..and i can't wait for our next adventure :)

Dazed & Tired

Omg..I just grazed someones bumper at a traffic light..all I did was shrug, waved a sorry n drove off..a few hundred metres later it hit me, what in the world was I thinking?..I feel like such a horrible lady driver today..oops :p




My damage was quite minimal..I'm really sorry lady in white kancil..

You're So Rude

There was this lady at pull and bear..it was her turn to pay at the cashier..she was such a snob, it was annoying..me and this guy behind me had to wait close to half an hour in line behind her..at first I was pissed at the shop attendants for only providing one working cashier..but it was already 9.30 ish on a half hearted Friday night crowd, they had probably just closed the other counter..so, watever lah..but this lady is so thick that she told the cashier to hurry up because "her baby needs to sleep"..I dunno why, I was just so irritated at that statement..the problem is, she was the reason behind the delay..something about exchanging some stuff she had bought with a bunch of other stuff, like 10+ different items, which she had to top up additional ringgits for, which may I add she paid via credit card..lagi lambat..she had to calculate stuff on her phones calculator with her husband, then borrowed the cashiers calculator that got the cashier confused and had to clarify with a superior..she then put on a snubby face and nagged the cashier, then had the cheek to ask her for a new pair of the shoes that she was buying as this cashier is scanning the items into the register..I'm like, what kind of person is this?? N there's 2 more people queing behind u, what the hell is wrong with you?? you should go to the cashier when ure done picking out ur shit and having the other attendants who were at ur disposal on the sales floor to help u get new stuff from the store..how inconsiderate and selfish..I was sooo irritated..what held my patience and made me stay was the look on the cashiers face..I sincerely pitied her..she looked so helpless and worn out I just couldn't walk off..n the bag I wanted, I really liked as well lah..but really kesian this cashier lady..some people really don't know how it feels to be serving people 12 hours a day and have them treat you like kuli batak..it's really not nice..just because your buying and not selling, doesn't make you any better then the person in front of you..these sort of people just add to the supply of anger and negative energy in the world..ishk!..

Crane & Carpets

Oh my God..horrible dream..this vivid one, I hope to never even come close to reality..so freaky...

Indigo Clay

If vivid dreams were made to relay futures..then I want this dream to come true..

If intoxication leads to illumination..then illuminate me, please..

If art is music..and music is love..then I would like to defy gravity..

If the heart could speak, then I'd be embarassed to admit my desires and my obsessive nature to yearn..

Hallucinating..visualizing..wanting..centering chakra..materialization commencing??...

The "M" Word

Happy Mothers Day to all beautiful, wonderful, fantastic & superific moms everywhere!!! (^o^)!! Wooot wooot!!! May all great moms be blessed w good health, happiness and love..amin..

Baa Baa Black Sheep with Jack, Jill and the Hill

ugh..i lost the name card..yes i did..what a wonderful morning it's turning out to be..

i just got another disappointing reply from a university that i really reallllyyyyy REALLY want to go to..oh my God..it's me, isn't it? ..i don't pray enough..i've been having too much fun..i want it too much, or maybe not enough??..no, no, i wan't it too much..like Rachel said in glee "i want everything too much"..

i'm suppose to be devastated, which i am, but i'm too tired to feel..i'm only still awake because i just finished some office work due today..

i don't know what to feel..despite the countless rejections, life seems to be going in all the right directions..work is great..i love what i'm doing, and what i do is appreciated..that's all that i could hope for..i love my friends..i feel like giving them an XOXOXO just for fun every now and then..my adorable cat is occasionally obedient and oh-so-manja with me..my family is all healthy and well, alhamdulillah..everything is great actually..but i'm just not getting accepted to where i wanna go lah..

oh God..it can only be a sign right?..i dunno lah.....

Now, out of the 8 unis i applied to, the only hope left alive is from UCL (hahahahaha! i've so totally lost hope on this), Liverpool and the correct Sheffield course..sigh.....

Should i just take the Masters without the Part 2?..who knows where that would leave me??..honest question here, i'm really considering that unknown path..uuuuuggghhhhhh..

U know what, i tak larat nak apply for the Aussie ones dah..i don't wanna get rejected anymore!!! (v:__:v) tak sanggup......

To top it all off, i'm emotionally messed up again..it's not my hormones, it's really just me..i'm lost and depressive-ly verging on obsessive again..i'm probably hallucinating, seeing too much into absolutely nothing, and wanting AGAIN..i hate wanting!!..i'm such a loseerrrr..arggghhhhh!!....

i need a holiday..the beaches of Bali are calling to me..i need to centre my chakra..to manage my chi..to visualize the intangible strings of the universe to be as one with what is called me....

i need my pre-planned future back..i feel so unsettled not knowing..

Testing 1 2 3

Check check, testing 1 2 3..

Ngahahahaha!..

I think I'm infatuated :)

Trials & Tribulation

You know you must have done something extremely wrong in your life if the "craziest most unexpectedly sad none-sense that's just beyond your control" keeps on happening to you..

i've just went from an extreme high to a depressing low in the period of 3 days..

on monday, the 12th of April 2010, at exactly 3.00pm, i was offered a place in the University of Sheffield..i cannot explained the level of ecstasy i felt as i looked at my inbox rubbing my eyeballs..i couldn't even scream and didn't even know how to react as i sat there staring..eventually i started jumping and hugged my Kakak making weird mumbled screeches as i did..

the first person i called was my brother..then my mom..then someone else that just came to mind at the moment..i was happy..content and in disbelief..my dreams from wayyyyy back when is finally materializing..ya Allah..

then today happened..i got offered for the wrong programme..and i did NOT bloody notice this at all..i had apparently applied for an MA in Architecture Design..which is not an equivalent to a Part 2 qualification..but the thing is, i didn't..as my written, hardcopy form, says MArch in Architecture (RIBA Part 2)..but my online file says the previous..astaghfirullah....

the last time i felt this tense was when i was on the verge of failing my design in Part 5..

oh my God..oh my God..such tribulationnnnnn..

the situation can still be fixed..yes, it's true..it's true..and it will be..i know it willllllll!!..right?...

insyaAllah..oh God, please aid me in fixing this mess..please.....

it's been a while since i seriously majorly cried in public..thank you someone for calling me which forced me to stop immediately..i feel so otak bercelaru right now.......

Recent Ponder..

what if i'm a hypocrite? then what?..

what if i actually know that what i'm saying / telling is the opposite of what i really feel?..

what if i just don't want to admit it because i'm scared / worried / feeling really stupid / gonna cause stupid situations if i do?..

what if i'm torn between what's the right thing / best thing to do and what i actually really want?..

and what if what i want is stuuupppiidddd???? or i will never geeettttttt?????

oh.

...i wanna count sheep amongst the stars and catch a falling super-sheep-stah...

The End of April is going to be Awesome

OhMeGOD!! Yeay!!!!

i cant wait!!!

Robert Downey Junior, u are the only 40 something that i will turn so totally slutty for! rarrrrrrrr

Puchong?

i got lost on the road again today..like seriously lost, to the point i couldn't figure out my bearings and my instincts were zero..

i was doing well for the first 3/4 of the journey, remembering the directions from google maps..then what i imagined to be a regular T-junction turned out to be a raised fly-over on both sides with traffic lights in the middle..it made me panic and i over-shot and freaked out..

then after figuring out how to go about U-turn-ing, i forgot which side of the traffic light i came from and ended up going in circles..thank God for a BHP petrol station with a kind sales person inside, i eventually found my way..

i'm glad i gave myself an hour to get there..i anticipated getting lost, so i reached my destination on-time :) harharhar

then on the way home, something incredible happened..as i had confidently figured out my way back, they closed up the fly-over that would take me to the sunway toll..the one and only LDP fly-over (that i know of lah)..all the cars were directed down and i was like "ehh??"..and ended up going towards Balakong..i wanted to cry..

this is when i gave up with the road signs and called my dad..thank God thank God i had my phone with sufficient battery life..and i'm back home in one piece..

this is the story of my merry monday puchong adventure.

The Skyline of My Heart

went to ulu langat look out point today..the view was really, seriously pretty..even the food was good and the service superb..will definitely go again! =D

photo credits : owner of the blog on the bottom right

awesome photo :)

Anti Depressants on Cloud Nine

how can human feelings be so confusing, in such extremes, at the same time?..how can someone be ecstatic and depressed all at once?..how can i be dancing to pitbull and akon in the car and want to burst into tears while singing along?..

i'm kidding myself if i think i'm fine, because clearly i'm not.

upon reflection now, i'm sure i made the right decision..we are worlds a part, my life has no business in his and vice versa..i also don't think that i can forgive, nor forget, some of the things said when we fell through the cracks and especially the ones after it all ended..yes, i will say it in the open now, i think enough grace period has been spent..

i'm still sad, i'm still hurt, and i still haven't fully recovered..worst stilllll, i'm in denial..oh wait, now that i'm admitting it, i guess i'm not anymore?..ugh, whatever..

i received a message today..when i read it, it made me cry..then i realized who the message's from..then i just wanted to go home and bury myself in a pillow..i wish things were different..i wish we were different..but it wasn't and we aren't, and that's that.

i've gotten so used to not having to be alone that it proves to be quite difficult lately..my social awkwardness ratio and random fears have significantly increased..and the past 4 years of being engrossed in such specifics has rendered me a complete geek..i don't know if i'll ever be normal again..seriously..

ironically..i'm still sooooo excitably giddy over an awesom-azing-entertaining yesterday night..and within this hyper edged excitement is when i realize that i haven't fully let go yet..i still behave like i'm somebody's somebody..and that's a habit that'll take time to let go..

thank you so much for everything..but i'm so sorry..

i really want to let go....

i don't want to be mourning anymore

Proud To Be A Workaholic!

so, i woke up extra late today and rushed to work..only to reach the office to realize today's an off day!! and i got superb parking summore! hahahahahahahahahaha!! i can be so lame..

ps : it's been such a gloomy day today..mendung -> hujan -> mendung -> hujan.......

Rave Black Mini Light Up

i want, please?..

I Wanna Get Myself A Hookah

oh..malunya meng-emo seorang diri secara tiba-tiba semalam..(note : post deleted)..too embarrassed to keep it published..have lots of work, but too tired and takde mood to do..i want shisha..haha..will be staying up tonight..and i'm hungry..nak masak maggie....

-end-

Persevere

when the stars align,

and the world is mine,

is when i want to be,

the best that i can be.

my hopes, my dreams,

my tears and my screams,

will be beautiful,

and oh so powerful.

when the moon shines bright,

though the winds collide,

only heart and mind will tell,

what the physical can't yell.

what will be, will be.

and what i truly want,

is to be

all that i can

BE

I Made It, I Made It~**

i like this song a lot =)

it makes me feel happy, i don't know why..haha!

feel good song of the month!

mondays aren't so bad

today was great.

i woke up late..had lunch with the 2 awesome dudettes..looked through photos of the best 4 days i've had..drove to shah alam while singing at the top of my lungs..spent time with a friend i haven't seen for a while..had a catch-up session and reminisced about old times..came home and watched the 2nd half of The Other Boleyn Girl..then watched So You Think You Can Dance over dinner..i say, productive day! :)

tommorrow..reality's back in overdrive..work work work! can't wait for the weekend!..haha

gushy woshy crush crussshhhhh*~*~* ;p

Hollow

today will be the day of confessions,

for i have to meet my flaws and affections,

i can't want what i can't have.

the dream of dreams are hopes so big,

to fret then is to sleep awake,

how much can a person take...

break.

14/03/2010

This date in time is dedicated to these awesome people:

Amirah Alsagoff

Justin Yong

Happy Birthday 14th of March-ers!!!!!

Blog Under Renovation

*due to previous template loading errors..

Always Listen To Your Family Mechanic

so, my car broke down yesterday in one utama at 11.00pm..somehow, i wasn't surprised and actually couldn't really be bothered because i was just so tired and soooo used to these things happening to me..u know, it's really the stuff u decide to do to/with your car that really leads to total shit up's :p

thank God, soraya called and we hitched a ride..thank God thank God for perfect timing..so today, went to one utama after work and (long story short) got the car jump started and rolling again after much running around..bugger..i had to cash out 40 freakin bucks on parking alone tadi..sooo stuuupppiiidddd..

my laid back-ness and total malas and tak larat state caused me freakin shitty parking fare..whatever..so, the reason behind this blog is to inform anyone who stumbles upon this that if your car unfortunately breaks down in the OU parking lot, please report it straight to any security guard you see, if not you have to pay for parking according to their hourly rates..no matter what time it is because they work 24 hours a day..yeaaahhhhh..so be warned..

-end-

how to summarize 17 ridiculous days?

i have a lot to say right now..but not at the moment though cause i'm sooo tired..the past 17 days from my last blog post have been amazing~!..i still need time for it all to fully sink in..i'm on cloud nine it's craaazzzzyyy..

i have officially developed a crush..like seriously..hahaha..but it's just one of those silly crushes that you know will most probably just die unattended..no no no, i'm not saying who..hahahahaha..sebab malu kot..wahatever :p

goodnight~* :)

22nd February 2010

so...

i'll start working again tomorrow..i really want to, but i don't want to as well..hahaha!

long holidays can be very bad for personal productivity man..

hopefully tomorrow will be a good day..hopefully i don't create socially awkward situations again..*sigh..

well new office, here i come.

my (hopefully) last weekday bumming

eee..kenapa ramai hipokrit ah dalam dunia ni..how do they even go to sleep at night?..whatever..no business of mine anymore..

so, i'm gonna start work at the new office on monday! yeayyyy!!! i can't stand living a useless life anymore..macam nak mati ~(-_-)~ my mind should never be left idle for too long..

i really like my new workplace! it's pretty :) n got proper fittings and comfortable chairs and a notice board! i love notice boards!! and the desktop is super fast and super efficient..i like, i like! the security function at the entrance is really cool too, they take my finger print to open the door..yeah man..i feel like i'm a top secret architectural agent! hahahaha!

i love!! and the best part is my office hours starts at 10am..yes, how cool is that right..aaaahhhhh..and the location no need to say lah, i've got my pappa rich and starbucks to satisfy me everyday..so far, it's really shaping up to be a fantastic decision..

i really hope i will be a great asset to the new company..i also really hope that i will enjoy my working atmosphere and get to explore and expand my abilities as an architectural assistant..high hopes for new chapter in life!! insyaAllah!!

woopeeeeee~*!!!!

at 4 in the morning

there's a technique developed to heal a wounded heart, faster and more efficient, that prevents recurring attacks as well..it has been proven to be successful in curing broken hearts, resentment, disappointments, loneliness, rejection, hate, sorrow and the likes..

this technique is : t o f o r g e t

the goal is to completely erase any memory of the wounding incident ever happening..if the mind can be seen as a computer that stores experiences in its hardrive, then click on the "folder" and delete..don't forget to empty the recycle bin after..this will prevent recurrence..

s i d e e f f e c t s :

yes, there are..there's a very strong chance that a similar mistake will be made, again, since there is no record of the "negative experience" to refer to..there is also a big chance that some positive memories would be deleted as well as the best way for a total wipe-out is to delete the "folder" in question and not just individual files..the most common side effect would be to completely go blank when people recall memories from the past that should be there but aren't, and a complete detachment from the previous self, unable to process certain information anymore and unable to access certain abilities and functions..

this rebooting system, if performed properly and when necessary only, will give birth to a happier and more positive you..happiness is a state of mind, and everybody deserves to be happy..so let's all have a glass full a day to keep heart aches away..

by Dr Ai Wannah Bihapi from "Painful Things Don't Belong In Me" February 2010

The End of Mr Y by Scarlett Thomas

This isn't my copy but i like this cover better! :(

have you ever read a book and upon finishing it go "what the freakin f***?"..i would have to say that this is the effect The End of Mr Y had on me..i really don't know what to make of it..i think this is really the first time i literally understand what "mind-boggling" means..but don't get me wrong, i loved it!..it's like 2 parts of an extreme universe forced into 1 ridiculously addictive story..it's like hollow man meets narnia, or if dan brown decided to take a dip in enid blyton's dreams..hmm.. enid blyton, really? maybe more bjork or emily the strange..it's just really weird..

at first i kept on getting headaches trying to understand scarlett thomas's views of the theory of relativity, newtonian physics, the big bang, darwin, einstein, all of the quotes and discussions and "thought experiments" as she calls it..i felt that it was important for me to indulge in order to really enjoy the book..it was very hard, basing on the very shallow knowledge of science i have..hahaha..

and then csi was on, and grissom was explaining (lucky) the theory of relativity in his words, some other important physics fact and string theory..i really like the way he tied the 3 together..it was simple and logical..and i accept it..

as i progressed through the book, i started feeling cold and creepy-ed out that this will turn into a ghost story..i gave up reading horror books a long time ago because i have an uncontrollable obsession to imagine everything i read in "HD" detail which causes sleepless nights and freaky nightmares..but no, i find out later there's no ghosts involved..but there's an oversized talking mouse in a red cape..(wtf???)..

but scarlett then simply explains the logic behind this and i'm satisfied..i don't throw the book away and curse a million profanities..i get it..and now the book starts to blur between real life accounts and fiction..i start to really wonder can "this" really exist?..it's really beyond my self-proclaimed "HD" imagination abilities..for once, i cant imagine what i'm reading..4 dimensional objects, how would that look like?..to see rain falling on you but not feel it or hear it?..to have all things actually be defined by mostly "space"..oooooohhhhhhh...

now this is fun.

then there's that tell-tale hint of "true love" that always (ok, almost always) has to be a part of a female written novel..(sorry, i admit i'm partially sexist).."i'm sorry, but do i know you from somewhere?"..true love myth always includes some sort of deja-vu experience..and i like it, the struggle the main character faces between what she has become and what she really wants to be..or rather with who she feels she deserves to be with..which leads to........*drum-roll*

the ending?..this was where it got to "what the freakin f***?"..it was refreshing, yet totally unexpected..and to be honest, a little hard to swallow..hahahaha..the 1st thing that crossed my mind was, how did she ever get to that? like how did the thought process for the idea behind the book even occur? it's brilliant yet extremely, bogus..i dunno how else to put it..

i have to say, i like the idea of thought having mass and being matter..i like thinking of collected prayer as a form of energy that could either influence "thought" or the creation of something else..i also like to dwell in the possibility of thinking thought into reality by thinking in the language of the universe..that's really nice..

ps : i'm tempted to concoct my own out of body experience using this recipe in the book..but i'm scared..hahahahahaha..i'm so naive..

In The Eye of The Tiger

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

May the year of the tiger bring lots of joy, fortune and prosperity!!

InsyaAllah..hehe..

Have A Rrrrroaaaarringgggg (Auuuummm!) Good Year!!!

thinking out-loud

before i begin, if anyone in mention happens to read this please understand that the below are my thoughts exclusively and i am in no way judging or imposing my opinions on anyone..i understand that i see the world within a different frame as how everyone else does in their own way and no one way of life and decision is either right, wrong, better or worst then the other..i just don't want to offend anybody..that's all.

today i ended up spending the whole day contemplating relationships..i'm always fretting about something, so there's no point in explaining how it all started..i shall start with a tv show i happened to catch during lunch..it was one of those agama forums that has an ustazah explaining to an audience about a chosen topic of the day, and today's topic was "akhlak"..

in a nutshell, it explained how people tend to neglect their relationship with other human beings as oppose to their relationship with God..i've always loved this topic..i liked how she said that; although someone prays 5 times a day, reads the Quran regularly, pays their zakat and conducts qi'amullail every night, if this person is even the slightest bit a lousy neighbour, he/she will not go to heaven..

see how the statement is "will not go to heaven"..but it never says "will go to hell"..so where do this people stand exactly?..it's really intriguing..so it really works both ways right?..

anyway, let's avoid the extremes..

i had a conversation with a good friend today..and she being the very polite person she is asked if it was ok for her to quote an instance involving a former love affair of mine..i thought that was very kind..most people just don't care or assume that you should be ok with it, because it's the sane, logical thing to do..and it is, really..but it was just really nice that she asked first, because no matter how cruel/strong/cold or whatever someone could be, an unsuccessful relationship hovering close to 3 years long and above will strike a cord somewhere deep down within the bowels of even a black hole..just admit it..

as our conversation continued, it struck me why i couldn't stand being in a relationship anymore..does it really have to always be that hard?..i understand that all relationships need to be worked at but really, does it all have to be that hard?..it's depressing..but clearly, these people are honestly and full-heartedly "in love"!..i'm envious and at the same time scared to freakin death..

will i ever love anyone enough to be able to tolerate so much crap from a person?..and when i'm talking about this, i'm referring to a relationship leading to a lifelong commitment in marriage ok..not just a long lived "relationship"..cause i really do believe in the idea of marriage as a whole..i am an idealist, so go figure..

this brings me to another conversation which i had with someone else a week back..i asked him, "when do you consider yourself in-a-relationship with someone?"..he answered "when going out gets to another level of physical-ness that involves snuggling and stuff"..this is not a direct quote cause my memory doesn't store things as well as it should..so i asked "can't a relationship just exist on an emotional level?"..i don't really remember his answer, but i summed it up as a mix of yes-s and no-s..hmm....i also understand that not everyone would think like him..

which leads me to wonder, have i ever read or provided to situations that portrayed misunderstood intentions thus leading to missed opportunities or just plain misunderstandings?..wow....

so where does the line between friendship and "beyond" draw anyway..

i'd like to end by quoting another conversation i had with some beautiful people i'm blessed to have in my life..she said something like "i am in someway attracted to all my friends", and i think i agree with that..i mean ofcourse right?..it seems somewhat so simple..yet.....*ponder*

hmm..this is one randomly long unnecessary post..whatever..this is just me thinking out-loud again..i think i'll go back to reading Mr Y now..

-end-

Ace

(follow up to previous post)

tak jadi keluar pun hari ni..bodohnya..haha!..

anyways, dramatic end to onepiece574..my dream anime hubby..u are truly my favourite character of the lot..if u've read the title, yes, he really dies..i can't wait to see luffy kick akainu's lava ass..today has not been a very good day....

...RIP Portgas D Ace...

when the moon shines on a thursday night

i need a buddy to go out tonight!! dangit!..actually i'm fine alone, but i just know that i'll end up in some weird awkward social situation now and again and that'll just menyusahkan my lady theatre friend..noooooooo!!! why am i so socially impared?!!..oh, this sucks..i still really wanna go though cause i havent seen lady theatre friend for so long readyyyy......apa ni........

suck it up alia!! u're gonna have to learn some EQ skills at some point..

u can do this..

deep breaths..*>~~~~~

a foggy-filled wednesday

a big "HOORAY" to my new fictional adventure! :)

The End of Mr Y is to me a really special bit of indulgent creative writing..it's just full of quirky quotable quotes that i can't help but laugh out loud to..i just love it..i've only started reading yesterday and am currently upon chapter six but already i can't put it down (except for writing here that i love it!)..ms scarlett thomas, you are seriously awesome..

so, i have a confession to make..i've been experiencing a continuous foggy-filled nagging headache every morning to evening, everyday, ever since i can remember..i do remember though the feeling of a clear head during the day but i don't remember the last time i had one..my auntie says that it's most probably caused by sinus, a family trait passed down from generation to generation and i think she's probably right..but recently, it has gone up a notch evolving into a throbbing migraine every now and then, and a sense of nauseous vertigo every other time..i talked to ah moi (the future doc-tah!) about this at rasta the other day with big bob as a witness and at the time thought it was low blood pressure..but i think it is actually just my stupid sinuses..

so i've been observing it right and realized that it really does only happen during the day..i believe it's the cause of me feeling like shit every morning and having such a hard time waking up (nope, i'm not a morning person)..i've never experienced a hang-over before but i believe it would feel a little like my mornings..the fog would thicken into a throbbing migraine by mid-afternoon to the point my eye would twitch and i'd find it hard to keep my eyes open in a ray of reflected sunlight..then it would die down into a nauseous vertigo feel by around 5pm..as soon as maghrib hits, i'll be fine and the fog would have officially lifted..what the hell right..

i have concluded that this is why i work better from midnight onwards as that's when my head is truly crystal clear..so i am evidently a nocturnal creature, sensitive to heat who's constantly physically distressed..yup, that should be about right..

Photographs

ah moi got me hooked on this song..

i have to admit, i just love rihanna..love her voice and her catchy songs..

i wish i was super talented on the guitar so i can just grab it and play them in acoustic versions..and sing ofcourse..haha..i miss singing..like really singing..outside the bathroom and car..dang......

Rihanna - "Photographs"

my (wacky) mental state :p

it's official, all applications have been sent and now awaiting arrival and reply..

hopefully it's gonna be a bunch of positive replies..

i have the month off to work on the aussie ones, and scholarship apps should come out by the end of the month through march..

i know i'm hanging on to chance, i'm no first class graduate and i wasn't the star of the design studio or anything but an average jane like me could hope and dream too right?..

i'm in love with life at the moment..just taking each day as it comes..really engulfing every single up and horrible downs of my emotional state and just learning to deal with it..

i've been blessed with the company of some extremely incredible people in my life that i should remind myself i have no reason to complain..

i'm an emotional sucker..i'm in love with some people who will never realize the capacity of which i am able to care for them..i wear my heart on my sleeve yet i am completely incapable of showing people how i truly feel..

i have made countless mistakes in my life that have cost me great friends and more..and it's those beautiful people who accept me for all that i am, without question or prejudice, without the slightest waver and ill concern, expressing the greatest understanding and just unbelievable love, that i really thank God for everyday and silently pray for everyday..

i still choose to be an idealist..i've seen greatness in people and i believe in it..true love really does exist and real friendship really knows no bounds..the world can truly someday be at peace and every thing in existence someday will learn to be as one..i'm sure of it..

laugh at me if you may..but if you truly believe it, you will live to see it :)