before i begin, if anyone in mention happens to read this please understand that the below are my thoughts exclusively and i am in no way judging or imposing my opinions on anyone..i understand that i see the world within a different frame as how everyone else does in their own way and no one way of life and decision is either right, wrong, better or worst then the other..i just don't want to offend anybody..that's all.
today i ended up spending the whole day contemplating relationships..i'm always fretting about something, so there's no point in explaining how it all started..i shall start with a tv show i happened to catch during lunch..it was one of those agama forums that has an ustazah explaining to an audience about a chosen topic of the day, and today's topic was "akhlak"..
in a nutshell, it explained how people tend to neglect their relationship with other human beings as oppose to their relationship with God..i've always loved this topic..i liked how she said that; although someone prays 5 times a day, reads the Quran regularly, pays their zakat and conducts qi'amullail every night, if this person is even the slightest bit a lousy neighbour, he/she will not go to heaven..
see how the statement is "will not go to heaven"..but it never says "will go to hell"..so where do this people stand exactly?..it's really intriguing..so it really works both ways right?..
anyway, let's avoid the extremes..
i had a conversation with a good friend today..and she being the very polite person she is asked if it was ok for her to quote an instance involving a former love affair of mine..i thought that was very kind..most people just don't care or assume that you should be ok with it, because it's the sane, logical thing to do..and it is, really..but it was just really nice that she asked first, because no matter how cruel/strong/cold or whatever someone could be, an unsuccessful relationship hovering close to 3 years long and above will strike a cord somewhere deep down within the bowels of even a black hole..just admit it..
as our conversation continued, it struck me why i couldn't stand being in a relationship anymore..does it really have to always be that hard?..i understand that all relationships need to be worked at but really, does it all have to be that hard?..it's depressing..but clearly, these people are honestly and full-heartedly "in love"!..i'm envious and at the same time scared to freakin death..
will i ever love anyone enough to be able to tolerate so much crap from a person?..and when i'm talking about this, i'm referring to a relationship leading to a lifelong commitment in marriage ok..not just a long lived "relationship"..cause i really do believe in the idea of marriage as a whole..i am an idealist, so go figure..
this brings me to another conversation which i had with someone else a week back..i asked him, "when do you consider yourself in-a-relationship with someone?"..he answered "when going out gets to another level of physical-ness that involves snuggling and stuff"..this is not a direct quote cause my memory doesn't store things as well as it should..so i asked "can't a relationship just exist on an emotional level?"..i don't really remember his answer, but i summed it up as a mix of yes-s and no-s..hmm....i also understand that not everyone would think like him..
which leads me to wonder, have i ever read or provided to situations that portrayed misunderstood intentions thus leading to missed opportunities or just plain misunderstandings?..wow....
so where does the line between friendship and "beyond" draw anyway..
i'd like to end by quoting another conversation i had with some beautiful people i'm blessed to have in my life..she said something like "i am in someway attracted to all my friends", and i think i agree with that..i mean ofcourse right?..it seems somewhat so simple..yet.....*ponder*
hmm..this is one randomly long unnecessary post..whatever..this is just me thinking out-loud again..i think i'll go back to reading Mr Y now..
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2 comments:
hai..it has been a while i haven't heard from you..i just like what you wrote..it's so true..
sometimes when u decided not to so commit with someone,though u're in a relationship with that person,it's easy not to so commit..cause you thought he's doing the same thing with you.just to let thing go slow, because you're (as i am) afraid it might turn out ugly...segala persoalan pasti ada jawapan, fuhhh..i can't explain to myself why percaya tu makin hilang..the longer u're in a relationship, it's suppose to be better rite, logically thinking..but why does it go the other way around..
now i find this a little funny..i randomly clicked on alia's page, and i found myself reading ziela's comment, which now leaves the 3 of us discussing about this post. (i dont rememeber the last time we ever spoken in a little group like those days) hehe. well anyway, i miss us. (sorry ter-iklan sikit)back to this. in this case, i dont think its about commitment, maybe that sense of wanting to try so hard anymore slowly went missing? i think i know how that feels. its just that u love, but it faded, and it leaves u wonder.. where did the Spark go? its unfair to judge because these are personal feelings. every story has two sides kan.. its okay to leave because you know that you're not lying to anyone, including yourself. what doesnt kill will make you stronger right?
dear alia,
many have said this, but ill just say it again..when you meet your match, you will be surprised.. and you don't have to try that much anymore... for the moment, just don't think bout it too much, the man will find you. Insyallah :) jaga diri.
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