22nd February 2010

so...

i'll start working again tomorrow..i really want to, but i don't want to as well..hahaha!

long holidays can be very bad for personal productivity man..

hopefully tomorrow will be a good day..hopefully i don't create socially awkward situations again..*sigh..

well new office, here i come.

my (hopefully) last weekday bumming

eee..kenapa ramai hipokrit ah dalam dunia ni..how do they even go to sleep at night?..whatever..no business of mine anymore..

so, i'm gonna start work at the new office on monday! yeayyyy!!! i can't stand living a useless life anymore..macam nak mati ~(-_-)~ my mind should never be left idle for too long..

i really like my new workplace! it's pretty :) n got proper fittings and comfortable chairs and a notice board! i love notice boards!! and the desktop is super fast and super efficient..i like, i like! the security function at the entrance is really cool too, they take my finger print to open the door..yeah man..i feel like i'm a top secret architectural agent! hahahaha!

i love!! and the best part is my office hours starts at 10am..yes, how cool is that right..aaaahhhhh..and the location no need to say lah, i've got my pappa rich and starbucks to satisfy me everyday..so far, it's really shaping up to be a fantastic decision..

i really hope i will be a great asset to the new company..i also really hope that i will enjoy my working atmosphere and get to explore and expand my abilities as an architectural assistant..high hopes for new chapter in life!! insyaAllah!!

woopeeeeee~*!!!!

at 4 in the morning

there's a technique developed to heal a wounded heart, faster and more efficient, that prevents recurring attacks as well..it has been proven to be successful in curing broken hearts, resentment, disappointments, loneliness, rejection, hate, sorrow and the likes..

this technique is : t o f o r g e t

the goal is to completely erase any memory of the wounding incident ever happening..if the mind can be seen as a computer that stores experiences in its hardrive, then click on the "folder" and delete..don't forget to empty the recycle bin after..this will prevent recurrence..

s i d e e f f e c t s :

yes, there are..there's a very strong chance that a similar mistake will be made, again, since there is no record of the "negative experience" to refer to..there is also a big chance that some positive memories would be deleted as well as the best way for a total wipe-out is to delete the "folder" in question and not just individual files..the most common side effect would be to completely go blank when people recall memories from the past that should be there but aren't, and a complete detachment from the previous self, unable to process certain information anymore and unable to access certain abilities and functions..

this rebooting system, if performed properly and when necessary only, will give birth to a happier and more positive you..happiness is a state of mind, and everybody deserves to be happy..so let's all have a glass full a day to keep heart aches away..

by Dr Ai Wannah Bihapi from "Painful Things Don't Belong In Me" February 2010

The End of Mr Y by Scarlett Thomas

This isn't my copy but i like this cover better! :(

have you ever read a book and upon finishing it go "what the freakin f***?"..i would have to say that this is the effect The End of Mr Y had on me..i really don't know what to make of it..i think this is really the first time i literally understand what "mind-boggling" means..but don't get me wrong, i loved it!..it's like 2 parts of an extreme universe forced into 1 ridiculously addictive story..it's like hollow man meets narnia, or if dan brown decided to take a dip in enid blyton's dreams..hmm.. enid blyton, really? maybe more bjork or emily the strange..it's just really weird..

at first i kept on getting headaches trying to understand scarlett thomas's views of the theory of relativity, newtonian physics, the big bang, darwin, einstein, all of the quotes and discussions and "thought experiments" as she calls it..i felt that it was important for me to indulge in order to really enjoy the book..it was very hard, basing on the very shallow knowledge of science i have..hahaha..

and then csi was on, and grissom was explaining (lucky) the theory of relativity in his words, some other important physics fact and string theory..i really like the way he tied the 3 together..it was simple and logical..and i accept it..

as i progressed through the book, i started feeling cold and creepy-ed out that this will turn into a ghost story..i gave up reading horror books a long time ago because i have an uncontrollable obsession to imagine everything i read in "HD" detail which causes sleepless nights and freaky nightmares..but no, i find out later there's no ghosts involved..but there's an oversized talking mouse in a red cape..(wtf???)..

but scarlett then simply explains the logic behind this and i'm satisfied..i don't throw the book away and curse a million profanities..i get it..and now the book starts to blur between real life accounts and fiction..i start to really wonder can "this" really exist?..it's really beyond my self-proclaimed "HD" imagination abilities..for once, i cant imagine what i'm reading..4 dimensional objects, how would that look like?..to see rain falling on you but not feel it or hear it?..to have all things actually be defined by mostly "space"..oooooohhhhhhh...

now this is fun.

then there's that tell-tale hint of "true love" that always (ok, almost always) has to be a part of a female written novel..(sorry, i admit i'm partially sexist).."i'm sorry, but do i know you from somewhere?"..true love myth always includes some sort of deja-vu experience..and i like it, the struggle the main character faces between what she has become and what she really wants to be..or rather with who she feels she deserves to be with..which leads to........*drum-roll*

the ending?..this was where it got to "what the freakin f***?"..it was refreshing, yet totally unexpected..and to be honest, a little hard to swallow..hahahaha..the 1st thing that crossed my mind was, how did she ever get to that? like how did the thought process for the idea behind the book even occur? it's brilliant yet extremely, bogus..i dunno how else to put it..

i have to say, i like the idea of thought having mass and being matter..i like thinking of collected prayer as a form of energy that could either influence "thought" or the creation of something else..i also like to dwell in the possibility of thinking thought into reality by thinking in the language of the universe..that's really nice..

ps : i'm tempted to concoct my own out of body experience using this recipe in the book..but i'm scared..hahahahahaha..i'm so naive..

In The Eye of The Tiger

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

May the year of the tiger bring lots of joy, fortune and prosperity!!

InsyaAllah..hehe..

Have A Rrrrroaaaarringgggg (Auuuummm!) Good Year!!!

thinking out-loud

before i begin, if anyone in mention happens to read this please understand that the below are my thoughts exclusively and i am in no way judging or imposing my opinions on anyone..i understand that i see the world within a different frame as how everyone else does in their own way and no one way of life and decision is either right, wrong, better or worst then the other..i just don't want to offend anybody..that's all.

today i ended up spending the whole day contemplating relationships..i'm always fretting about something, so there's no point in explaining how it all started..i shall start with a tv show i happened to catch during lunch..it was one of those agama forums that has an ustazah explaining to an audience about a chosen topic of the day, and today's topic was "akhlak"..

in a nutshell, it explained how people tend to neglect their relationship with other human beings as oppose to their relationship with God..i've always loved this topic..i liked how she said that; although someone prays 5 times a day, reads the Quran regularly, pays their zakat and conducts qi'amullail every night, if this person is even the slightest bit a lousy neighbour, he/she will not go to heaven..

see how the statement is "will not go to heaven"..but it never says "will go to hell"..so where do this people stand exactly?..it's really intriguing..so it really works both ways right?..

anyway, let's avoid the extremes..

i had a conversation with a good friend today..and she being the very polite person she is asked if it was ok for her to quote an instance involving a former love affair of mine..i thought that was very kind..most people just don't care or assume that you should be ok with it, because it's the sane, logical thing to do..and it is, really..but it was just really nice that she asked first, because no matter how cruel/strong/cold or whatever someone could be, an unsuccessful relationship hovering close to 3 years long and above will strike a cord somewhere deep down within the bowels of even a black hole..just admit it..

as our conversation continued, it struck me why i couldn't stand being in a relationship anymore..does it really have to always be that hard?..i understand that all relationships need to be worked at but really, does it all have to be that hard?..it's depressing..but clearly, these people are honestly and full-heartedly "in love"!..i'm envious and at the same time scared to freakin death..

will i ever love anyone enough to be able to tolerate so much crap from a person?..and when i'm talking about this, i'm referring to a relationship leading to a lifelong commitment in marriage ok..not just a long lived "relationship"..cause i really do believe in the idea of marriage as a whole..i am an idealist, so go figure..

this brings me to another conversation which i had with someone else a week back..i asked him, "when do you consider yourself in-a-relationship with someone?"..he answered "when going out gets to another level of physical-ness that involves snuggling and stuff"..this is not a direct quote cause my memory doesn't store things as well as it should..so i asked "can't a relationship just exist on an emotional level?"..i don't really remember his answer, but i summed it up as a mix of yes-s and no-s..hmm....i also understand that not everyone would think like him..

which leads me to wonder, have i ever read or provided to situations that portrayed misunderstood intentions thus leading to missed opportunities or just plain misunderstandings?..wow....

so where does the line between friendship and "beyond" draw anyway..

i'd like to end by quoting another conversation i had with some beautiful people i'm blessed to have in my life..she said something like "i am in someway attracted to all my friends", and i think i agree with that..i mean ofcourse right?..it seems somewhat so simple..yet.....*ponder*

hmm..this is one randomly long unnecessary post..whatever..this is just me thinking out-loud again..i think i'll go back to reading Mr Y now..

-end-

Ace

(follow up to previous post)

tak jadi keluar pun hari ni..bodohnya..haha!..

anyways, dramatic end to onepiece574..my dream anime hubby..u are truly my favourite character of the lot..if u've read the title, yes, he really dies..i can't wait to see luffy kick akainu's lava ass..today has not been a very good day....

...RIP Portgas D Ace...

when the moon shines on a thursday night

i need a buddy to go out tonight!! dangit!..actually i'm fine alone, but i just know that i'll end up in some weird awkward social situation now and again and that'll just menyusahkan my lady theatre friend..noooooooo!!! why am i so socially impared?!!..oh, this sucks..i still really wanna go though cause i havent seen lady theatre friend for so long readyyyy......apa ni........

suck it up alia!! u're gonna have to learn some EQ skills at some point..

u can do this..

deep breaths..*>~~~~~

a foggy-filled wednesday

a big "HOORAY" to my new fictional adventure! :)

The End of Mr Y is to me a really special bit of indulgent creative writing..it's just full of quirky quotable quotes that i can't help but laugh out loud to..i just love it..i've only started reading yesterday and am currently upon chapter six but already i can't put it down (except for writing here that i love it!)..ms scarlett thomas, you are seriously awesome..

so, i have a confession to make..i've been experiencing a continuous foggy-filled nagging headache every morning to evening, everyday, ever since i can remember..i do remember though the feeling of a clear head during the day but i don't remember the last time i had one..my auntie says that it's most probably caused by sinus, a family trait passed down from generation to generation and i think she's probably right..but recently, it has gone up a notch evolving into a throbbing migraine every now and then, and a sense of nauseous vertigo every other time..i talked to ah moi (the future doc-tah!) about this at rasta the other day with big bob as a witness and at the time thought it was low blood pressure..but i think it is actually just my stupid sinuses..

so i've been observing it right and realized that it really does only happen during the day..i believe it's the cause of me feeling like shit every morning and having such a hard time waking up (nope, i'm not a morning person)..i've never experienced a hang-over before but i believe it would feel a little like my mornings..the fog would thicken into a throbbing migraine by mid-afternoon to the point my eye would twitch and i'd find it hard to keep my eyes open in a ray of reflected sunlight..then it would die down into a nauseous vertigo feel by around 5pm..as soon as maghrib hits, i'll be fine and the fog would have officially lifted..what the hell right..

i have concluded that this is why i work better from midnight onwards as that's when my head is truly crystal clear..so i am evidently a nocturnal creature, sensitive to heat who's constantly physically distressed..yup, that should be about right..

Photographs

ah moi got me hooked on this song..

i have to admit, i just love rihanna..love her voice and her catchy songs..

i wish i was super talented on the guitar so i can just grab it and play them in acoustic versions..and sing ofcourse..haha..i miss singing..like really singing..outside the bathroom and car..dang......

Rihanna - "Photographs"

my (wacky) mental state :p

it's official, all applications have been sent and now awaiting arrival and reply..

hopefully it's gonna be a bunch of positive replies..

i have the month off to work on the aussie ones, and scholarship apps should come out by the end of the month through march..

i know i'm hanging on to chance, i'm no first class graduate and i wasn't the star of the design studio or anything but an average jane like me could hope and dream too right?..

i'm in love with life at the moment..just taking each day as it comes..really engulfing every single up and horrible downs of my emotional state and just learning to deal with it..

i've been blessed with the company of some extremely incredible people in my life that i should remind myself i have no reason to complain..

i'm an emotional sucker..i'm in love with some people who will never realize the capacity of which i am able to care for them..i wear my heart on my sleeve yet i am completely incapable of showing people how i truly feel..

i have made countless mistakes in my life that have cost me great friends and more..and it's those beautiful people who accept me for all that i am, without question or prejudice, without the slightest waver and ill concern, expressing the greatest understanding and just unbelievable love, that i really thank God for everyday and silently pray for everyday..

i still choose to be an idealist..i've seen greatness in people and i believe in it..true love really does exist and real friendship really knows no bounds..the world can truly someday be at peace and every thing in existence someday will learn to be as one..i'm sure of it..

laugh at me if you may..but if you truly believe it, you will live to see it :)