Blind Panic

i find myself writing this post because i'm emotionally disturbed again..it's like i blog only when i need to vomit compressed emotions..how needy :p

its 5 days to final crit, my last project in this long and adventurous journey of architectural education..hopefully (iA) ..it's a thesis in a group of 4, very different from other schools that are usually an individual exploration for about 12 months..but here in this School of Architecture, we have an additional module that's incredibly invaluable i think..and thus making our thesis a crazy explosion of about 30 weeks..i don't care what anyone says or thinks, this sh**t is hard !

5 days is not too short a period neither is it ever enough in studio terms..yesterday was the beckoning of a blind panic mode and a break over dinner almost drove me to tears composing myself from a nervous breakdown..a studio mate described the feeling perfectly, "there's so much work, and i'm just so tired and hungry.."

despite being physically self-abusive (writing a miserable blog post at 2.40am to calm down), it's almost that time of the month again and i find myself emotionally abusive as well..being so unstable, needy and embarrassingly paranoid..when i really think i've finally found my guy i'm really worried that i might just drive him away with my crazy-ness..or i might just loose it all together where my mind betrays me and i convince myself i'm better off miserable and alone for life..i pray upon prayyyy it will never come to that..

 ok, i feel better now..back to breaking my back and ruining my posture.. approximately 1 month to the end of the end of THE ENDDD..the much awaited graduate show..

i pray that all will go well..i pray we will all pass and move on with the next chapter of life..i sincerely pray....

and let there be success and gratefulness at the end of this journey,  iA...


~ Blue Skies ~