Another Day

Yet another day in London..however, no touristy things have been achieved yet..haha..accept for eating duck in Bayswater..effing A+ man..how will I survive without it now :p

Another new hostel I'm checked into today..it's nice n quiet, compared to the one yesterday..but far too cold, with no hot water to shower at night..sayang..put this environment with yesterdays facilities and u have a winner man..

There's a rat in the kitchen..no, too cute n small to be a rat..a mouse maybe..eee..haha..

Something really bad and embarrassing happened tonight..I cannot explain, but I hope it never happens again..but God sent me an angel to save me then..alhamdulillah..

Wanna wake up early for breakfast tomorrow..n do a bit of work before going out for the day..I really hope I will succeed :)

Ok, laundry's done..until later.

-end-

Boxing Day

My first boxing day conquests include :

1. Pink Toga Dress




and

2. Storybook!




Hehe..that's it..I think tomorrow may include a couple of yarn balls for my Popo..if I can afford it..n that's it :p

Don't wanna go broke in Paris..

Goodnight!

Great Day for Giving

i'm in London, with sara-chan and her family..it's been a really nice and homey christmas so far, which is my favourite kind; nice, quite, comfortable and with great company..

this morning will be boxing day as it is past midnight already..we plan to leave really early to hunt for superb bargains and i'll have to make my way to my new bed for 3 nights..i'm starting to get nervous again :p sigh..need to sleep real soon..

i miss my parents and my brother..i wish they were here spending christmas with me..i wish i could be going back to a hotel room with them tomorrow..but that's not the case..sigh..it's still better than staying in Liverpool freaked and alone anyway.. so let's though it out and be more bad ass, yeah!! need to learn to travel on my own..

i also miss madam yaya..haha..it would have been great to meet her in London for christmas..but she deserves a better holiday than being stranded in a freezing airport..so we'll hopefully catch-up in summer, insyaAllah :)

we're letting back-to-back episodes of "southpark" disturb us to sleep..how disturbing is that :p

and a big congratulations to my cousin on her wedding yesterday!..it's unfortunate that i couldn't be there..but still fantastic all in all..i really wish i could teleport right now..someday, this will all be possible..ngahahahahaha..

goodnight dear cyber space..thanks for listening :)

Idle Mind

do you believe in instincts?..like the ability for your gut to tell you or rather inspire you to feel a certain way about/towards something..even when all the facts and situations are pointing in a completely different direction, your gut just still won't shut up..seriously, what do you do next?..

i wasn't prepared before..but now i know i am..i'm sure of it..i've regained my stability, i have accepted and moved on and i am now able to be rational, i believe..i sound like a chant from one of those self-help books..omg..

i don't know if what i'm feeling is real..i don't know anything anymore..but whatever i do feel is hella strong and it is not going away and i hate it..i hate being this out of control, it's stupid..i should be way past this childish phase of obsession..but instead what i know for sure is that it hurts so damn bad when it breaks into a million pieces in front of me and i can't fix it..and it doesn't effing go away..f***, go away!..i hate reading a blank wall, i hate the scary expanse of open sea..i h a t e i t a l l

but unfortunately this shitty roller-coaster i'm strapped into is the only thing that makes me feel, cornily enough, "alive"..it keeps life interesting..and as much as i hate it, i'm in love with it..what the hell is wrong with me..

maybe it's a good thing to distract myself with travelling..maybe i should just walk away and stay away..but these freakin fantasies are too tempting to ignore..oh God, i'm so pissed at myself right now!

arghhh, this silence in my room is killing me!..and i sound like a freakin psycho..super..

just for the record, i'm not suicidal or anything..and i'm emotionally perfectly fine..maybe doing too "fine" even :p..i'm just having a stupid problem with myself and i can't seem to fix it..i need to stop dreaming and focus..i can't seem to focus..dammit.

Troubled Nerves

i stopped posting for a while..i actually considered stopping completely..but i succumb to the need for a place to rant my mindless thoughts..somewhere to technically receive and store it without having to give anything back..it's good therapy i think..and it doesn't bother people who don't look for it..

i'm leaving for London in a day..it's 2 am and i'm so nervous i can't sleep..i need to wake up early tomorrow to do a few more things before departing..yet i'm awake, nervous and yawning..

i'm worried about everything..tickets, accommodation, money, unforeseen circumstances, did i forget anything? important documents? blah, blah, blah..i hate it when there's no pre-prepared plan..but i do everything without good pre-planning most of the time..my brother would be so "proud" :p

it's the 1st time i will be travelling technically alone..effing nerve wrecking..ughhhhh..never in my life i thought i would wish to cancel a fun filled fortnight and just stay in my room due to nerves..i thought i was more bad-ass than that..dammit!..

please, oh please God let this be a good and worth-it first trip..i'm so stressedddddd..i can't even concentrate on "Dexter"! i thought an episode would calm me ('0_0') i'm so worriedddddddddddddd..ughh, i'm such a loser..

ok, enough complaining..wish me luck infinite cyber world..please let me come back in one piece, alive, breathing, perfectly well, with all things and limbs intact :p i can't believe i'm typing this shiet..i'm crazy..

goodnight.