bye-bye tortured soul...

i suddenly feel a rush of emotions..

i've come to realize that i can be quite the mengarut most of the time..

i've always considered myself awkward, weird, a little off centre and definitely a sore thumb sticking out beside everyone around me..but maybe it's just me who makes me awkward you know..hmm..im talking gibberish again..

it's official, i'm extending an additional semester due to some unforeseen and totally unexpected circumstances..i'm very sad about it ofcourse, but i've come to terms with the fact that this is the best thing to do lah in order to save my cgpa..haih..how depressing..

it's not more on the extending part you know..i actually really don't care much..it's just that i made plans to be on holiday that coming 6 months to sooth my over-worked soul..and i had so many things i wanted to do..now all that is just a distant dream that may or may not come true, depending on how heavy the 3 subjects would be..

yeah, i decided to push 3 subjects due to 1 slip up..the 1 is equivalent to 3 studying subjects since time is the biggest issue in an architecture students forsaken life..*big sigh..

but ultimately, i'm really affected by the fact that i won't be attending the same convocation as my fellow classmates..it's suppose to be a memorable once in a life time experience thing together right, and basically that's out the window now..*bigger sigh..

most of all, i feel like a hollow depth is being drilled through my tortured soul when i think about parting with the friends i recently made..it's so ironic, but although knowing them for just months, i feel as though i've known them forever..it's like all this while feeling so misplaced and awkward, i finally found a place for me to fit in and soon i have to move again..they may not feel the same way, heck they may not even get me but that doesn't really matter to me though..when i'm spending time with these few people i feel like i'm back home again..at least i feel like i can understand them..

all this boils back down to me, always creating awkwardness in perfectly un-awkward situations..when there are people who seem sincere in being friends i start getting weird about it, but when there's an obvious "udang di sebalik batu" thing going on i'm so freakin oblivious to it..haha..i guess i am weird..like in a stupid way..*biggest sigh..

well, this is me..going through my emo motions again..i'm yawning now which obviously means i'm sleepy..i've been freakin having nightmares lately..it's so so tiring..i just pray that God will help calm my tormented soul..until that day comes....

alia is searching for the balance between.....