The Emotional 1st Post

how should a relationship be for it to be "right"?

is there a format in relationships which we should refer to and follow?

i think too many people have given me their answers for these questions yet it's always more complicated to do what your logic believes is right when it involves another persons feelings and "principles" if i may call it..

i am an idealist..i believe in happily ever afters and true loves kiss and all that fairy tale mambo-jumbo yet i am somehow just super practical and an anger-filled "tormented" loner as well..how is that even possible? i wonder..

all of real life's experiences and "education" have thought me that it's a lot more difficult to survive in this world as an idealist rather than a selfish non-believer and especially compared to a heartless opportunist..i mean, simple "faith-filled" logic always reminds us that to live a good life where you are good to people and you practice good morals will lead to a happy life filled with justice and fairness and happiness and all that jazz..but in todays world it's clear that only the most power hungry will succeed, only the most cunning opportunist will get ahead and ofcourse, only the most capable "persuasion techniques" and well told lies will get the attention..yet i still believe that every person will have their day, and every wrong doing will have its consequences..

but that's the problem with being an idealist..since the world isn't ideal, obviously, we suffer from being tormented by what we believe in and having to just accept that we have to go against our "principles" in order to survive and succeed..yet only to a certain extent because there will be things we will never be able to do, just because..and this will be a disadvantage..

idealists tend to sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of making other people happy and because we always feel that it's so bad to make other people feel bad, we never make ourselves happy..

so..what makes me happy?..

what do i think i want right now that could possibly make me happy?..

should i tell him that the way he thinks makes me unhappy?
should i tell him that i hate his perspective on life, people and things?
should i tell him that his repetitive ignorance on certain things hurt me?
should i tell him that i'm angry at him for not respecting my views and discreetly wanting me to change?
should i tell him that i hate it when he gives me that all disappointed look when i don't see things the way he does or when i refuse to be the person he wants me to be?
should i tell him that i love him but in order to be happy to continue being with him i'd like him to change?..
isn't that so cruel?..

or would i rather continue to torture myself and him and pretend that everything's ok and just wait for a bursting climax to let it all spill out so that he'll hate me forever and easily get over me?..

i can't see him all broken again..i just can't do that to him..there are times when i'm so happy we're together but there were times where i just wished he would be some other way..

oh, wow..
will i ever fall in love again? or will i always find a reason to not want to stay?..

do i love him?..yes, i do..but i guess sometimes, i just can't stand it.