In The Eye of The Tiger

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

May the year of the tiger bring lots of joy, fortune and prosperity!!

InsyaAllah..hehe..

Have A Rrrrroaaaarringgggg (Auuuummm!) Good Year!!!

thinking out-loud

before i begin, if anyone in mention happens to read this please understand that the below are my thoughts exclusively and i am in no way judging or imposing my opinions on anyone..i understand that i see the world within a different frame as how everyone else does in their own way and no one way of life and decision is either right, wrong, better or worst then the other..i just don't want to offend anybody..that's all.

today i ended up spending the whole day contemplating relationships..i'm always fretting about something, so there's no point in explaining how it all started..i shall start with a tv show i happened to catch during lunch..it was one of those agama forums that has an ustazah explaining to an audience about a chosen topic of the day, and today's topic was "akhlak"..

in a nutshell, it explained how people tend to neglect their relationship with other human beings as oppose to their relationship with God..i've always loved this topic..i liked how she said that; although someone prays 5 times a day, reads the Quran regularly, pays their zakat and conducts qi'amullail every night, if this person is even the slightest bit a lousy neighbour, he/she will not go to heaven..

see how the statement is "will not go to heaven"..but it never says "will go to hell"..so where do this people stand exactly?..it's really intriguing..so it really works both ways right?..

anyway, let's avoid the extremes..

i had a conversation with a good friend today..and she being the very polite person she is asked if it was ok for her to quote an instance involving a former love affair of mine..i thought that was very kind..most people just don't care or assume that you should be ok with it, because it's the sane, logical thing to do..and it is, really..but it was just really nice that she asked first, because no matter how cruel/strong/cold or whatever someone could be, an unsuccessful relationship hovering close to 3 years long and above will strike a cord somewhere deep down within the bowels of even a black hole..just admit it..

as our conversation continued, it struck me why i couldn't stand being in a relationship anymore..does it really have to always be that hard?..i understand that all relationships need to be worked at but really, does it all have to be that hard?..it's depressing..but clearly, these people are honestly and full-heartedly "in love"!..i'm envious and at the same time scared to freakin death..

will i ever love anyone enough to be able to tolerate so much crap from a person?..and when i'm talking about this, i'm referring to a relationship leading to a lifelong commitment in marriage ok..not just a long lived "relationship"..cause i really do believe in the idea of marriage as a whole..i am an idealist, so go figure..

this brings me to another conversation which i had with someone else a week back..i asked him, "when do you consider yourself in-a-relationship with someone?"..he answered "when going out gets to another level of physical-ness that involves snuggling and stuff"..this is not a direct quote cause my memory doesn't store things as well as it should..so i asked "can't a relationship just exist on an emotional level?"..i don't really remember his answer, but i summed it up as a mix of yes-s and no-s..hmm....i also understand that not everyone would think like him..

which leads me to wonder, have i ever read or provided to situations that portrayed misunderstood intentions thus leading to missed opportunities or just plain misunderstandings?..wow....

so where does the line between friendship and "beyond" draw anyway..

i'd like to end by quoting another conversation i had with some beautiful people i'm blessed to have in my life..she said something like "i am in someway attracted to all my friends", and i think i agree with that..i mean ofcourse right?..it seems somewhat so simple..yet.....*ponder*

hmm..this is one randomly long unnecessary post..whatever..this is just me thinking out-loud again..i think i'll go back to reading Mr Y now..

-end-

Ace

(follow up to previous post)

tak jadi keluar pun hari ni..bodohnya..haha!..

anyways, dramatic end to onepiece574..my dream anime hubby..u are truly my favourite character of the lot..if u've read the title, yes, he really dies..i can't wait to see luffy kick akainu's lava ass..today has not been a very good day....

...RIP Portgas D Ace...

when the moon shines on a thursday night

i need a buddy to go out tonight!! dangit!..actually i'm fine alone, but i just know that i'll end up in some weird awkward social situation now and again and that'll just menyusahkan my lady theatre friend..noooooooo!!! why am i so socially impared?!!..oh, this sucks..i still really wanna go though cause i havent seen lady theatre friend for so long readyyyy......apa ni........

suck it up alia!! u're gonna have to learn some EQ skills at some point..

u can do this..

deep breaths..*>~~~~~

a foggy-filled wednesday

a big "HOORAY" to my new fictional adventure! :)

The End of Mr Y is to me a really special bit of indulgent creative writing..it's just full of quirky quotable quotes that i can't help but laugh out loud to..i just love it..i've only started reading yesterday and am currently upon chapter six but already i can't put it down (except for writing here that i love it!)..ms scarlett thomas, you are seriously awesome..

so, i have a confession to make..i've been experiencing a continuous foggy-filled nagging headache every morning to evening, everyday, ever since i can remember..i do remember though the feeling of a clear head during the day but i don't remember the last time i had one..my auntie says that it's most probably caused by sinus, a family trait passed down from generation to generation and i think she's probably right..but recently, it has gone up a notch evolving into a throbbing migraine every now and then, and a sense of nauseous vertigo every other time..i talked to ah moi (the future doc-tah!) about this at rasta the other day with big bob as a witness and at the time thought it was low blood pressure..but i think it is actually just my stupid sinuses..

so i've been observing it right and realized that it really does only happen during the day..i believe it's the cause of me feeling like shit every morning and having such a hard time waking up (nope, i'm not a morning person)..i've never experienced a hang-over before but i believe it would feel a little like my mornings..the fog would thicken into a throbbing migraine by mid-afternoon to the point my eye would twitch and i'd find it hard to keep my eyes open in a ray of reflected sunlight..then it would die down into a nauseous vertigo feel by around 5pm..as soon as maghrib hits, i'll be fine and the fog would have officially lifted..what the hell right..

i have concluded that this is why i work better from midnight onwards as that's when my head is truly crystal clear..so i am evidently a nocturnal creature, sensitive to heat who's constantly physically distressed..yup, that should be about right..

Photographs

ah moi got me hooked on this song..

i have to admit, i just love rihanna..love her voice and her catchy songs..

i wish i was super talented on the guitar so i can just grab it and play them in acoustic versions..and sing ofcourse..haha..i miss singing..like really singing..outside the bathroom and car..dang......

Rihanna - "Photographs"

my (wacky) mental state :p

it's official, all applications have been sent and now awaiting arrival and reply..

hopefully it's gonna be a bunch of positive replies..

i have the month off to work on the aussie ones, and scholarship apps should come out by the end of the month through march..

i know i'm hanging on to chance, i'm no first class graduate and i wasn't the star of the design studio or anything but an average jane like me could hope and dream too right?..

i'm in love with life at the moment..just taking each day as it comes..really engulfing every single up and horrible downs of my emotional state and just learning to deal with it..

i've been blessed with the company of some extremely incredible people in my life that i should remind myself i have no reason to complain..

i'm an emotional sucker..i'm in love with some people who will never realize the capacity of which i am able to care for them..i wear my heart on my sleeve yet i am completely incapable of showing people how i truly feel..

i have made countless mistakes in my life that have cost me great friends and more..and it's those beautiful people who accept me for all that i am, without question or prejudice, without the slightest waver and ill concern, expressing the greatest understanding and just unbelievable love, that i really thank God for everyday and silently pray for everyday..

i still choose to be an idealist..i've seen greatness in people and i believe in it..true love really does exist and real friendship really knows no bounds..the world can truly someday be at peace and every thing in existence someday will learn to be as one..i'm sure of it..

laugh at me if you may..but if you truly believe it, you will live to see it :)