Quick Fix

i haven't been actively blogging for a while now, i realize..lot's of things have happened..yes..but now i want to talk about other things..haha!

i broke my glasses last month, which can be said to be last year..hmm..luckily, i had foresight to make a pair of spare for cheap back home during summer..i wear them at night when i'm home usually as my day glasses are a bit heavy..but now that i have to wear these everyday i hate it :(

i have come to appreciate the magic of larger framed spectacles! simply, i can see more without squinting and they make my eyes look bigger as i am naturally "sepet". Kesian my spare glasses, i don't mean to hate..i think i'm giving it negative vibes which it does not deserve..

the other day i took off my specs to use the shower, then i forgot where i put them. It took me a good half hour to locate my glasses (yes, i am quite sadly optically disabled now) and i had to result to holding up my broken pair of glasses to find the good ones. FYI, i only occasionally wear contact lenses now as i'm kind of "allergic" to them due to other reasons that we don't have to talk about.

so why am i going on about this again? hmm...

i know..i guess because i'm tired, i'm almost bored of doing this thing called dissertation and i'm missing home all of a sudden..again. I want to spend time with my recently pregnant cousin, i want to annoy my brother, i want to see my Popo, i want to lo-sang; twice, one with my Ah Yie, Uncle, Popo and cousins and another with my Mak Ngah and Mak Teh..most of all, i want to watch tv in the hall with my parentsss! arghhh..

winter blues are so depressing..

ps : thanks SB for randomly holidaying in London..am really glad i got to come down and see you for a bit..absolute highlight of my January :)

when the moon shines on a thursday night

i need a buddy to go out tonight!! dangit!..actually i'm fine alone, but i just know that i'll end up in some weird awkward social situation now and again and that'll just menyusahkan my lady theatre friend..noooooooo!!! why am i so socially impared?!!..oh, this sucks..i still really wanna go though cause i havent seen lady theatre friend for so long readyyyy......apa ni........

suck it up alia!! u're gonna have to learn some EQ skills at some point..

u can do this..

deep breaths..*>~~~~~

Bugger...

there's so much more left to do..

i have no more money...

i don't know if i can meet my deadline anymore...

i'm under a lot of stress and it doesn't help that there's added tension all of a sudden...

i'm tired and officially depressed...

but i still want this so bad!!!

challenges makes success a lot sweeter?..

i sure hope success is my destiny with this...sigh...

hoping and praying~*

Hopes and Wants

i'm scared of 3.45pm today...

i wish i could take the whole month off...

i just wanna be left alone sometimes...

i wish i didn't have to wake up to someone yelling at me, twice, this morning...

i wish all this preparation didn't cost so much...

i wish that i will be able to meet my deadline...

why in bloody hell am i so emotional sometimes?...

i wish taylor lautner is 25 and not 17...

i wish taylor lautner was malaysian...

i really wanna go holiday with the girls...

i really hope i get to continue overseas...

i hope that 3.45pm today goes well...

Love is Blind?

the opposite of love is...

hate?

selfishness?

jealousy?

animosity?

resentment?

annoyance?

utter dislike?

absolute loathing??

nope.

as the saying goes,

the opposite of love is none other then INDIFFERENCE

there's a very thin line between "compromise" and "indifference"..once the line is crossed, there's really no turning back..which serves to be the biggest disappointment in life..it is equivalent to the loss of hope..

hopelessness leads to despair..

despair leads to resentment, anger, and all of the above..thus, the above are all just by-products of indifference.. your mind tells your heart that it's ok to feel which ever way for something you don't want to care about anymore..

or so it seems......

- the fragile emotions of a human soul -

Kicking and Screaming!!

i feel like kicking and screaming right now.. ARGHHHH!!!!!

even my brother's poor laptop is suffering from my stress..it doesn't help that the keyboard is so stuck! i have to slam on the "C" key and "spacebar" everytime i need it! stupid streamyx rosak! i miss by mac! s*** !

it's not like it's been a bad day, but things just aren't really going according to plan today..

1. planned to reach work early - didn't happen (caused by over-sleeping + massive traffic jam)
2. work was a whole new level of dry..i kept on counting down the time..i don't know why..
3. half of my lunch time was spent on waiting for it to be cooked, ALONE..
4. was suppose to go on a solo gym mission today, both pump and combat - didn't happen (thanks to mum's workaholic boss, she didn't even have a proper lunch! how could you..)
5. i stumbled upon something pissy online, trying to suppress...
6. i want to blog also susah because internet my brother keeps on getting stuck!

COME ON!!!!! and i can't run around kicking and screaming..*sigh...

finally, CSI dah start..distract mode -ON-

Laparnya...

it is 1.40am and i am so SO HUNGRY...

there's nothing to eat at home, how am i to survive...

when i finally found cheezels stashed away at the back of the cupboard, i now know why it was there.....

BBQ Cheese Flavour!!?? who the heck came up with that!?? tak sedap!!!! :(

*laparnya~* sob sob sob....

Shut Up and Drive

i like driving with the window down..i get to feel the wind on my face and in my hair..hear the sound of it and cars rushing by..air-conditioning usually gives me cold shivers and a dry feeling in my throat anyway..one problem about driving with the window down though, i can't hear the music on the radio..oh ya, and the air usually smells quite bad in malaysia..unless if it just rained..

but once i get on the highway, i guess i'll just blast my radio as loud as i need to..no one can hear me then anyway..

it's crazy how fast people drive on highways sometimes..i feel like an idiot when i'm driving to the speed limit..and everyone else will make me feel like i'm a useless slow-poke crowding the long stretch of bitumen and tar..eee..i get nervous when i'm speeding..

life is kinda like driving on a highway, kan..everyone is moving so fast..sometimes you don't know how fast you're going because you're pacing yourself with everyone else..it's so tiring.."people" in this context being "cars" just flash by..sometimes we follow sometimes we lead..

i think i'm experiencing a burn out..my engine's rusty from the long hauls..it seems i haven't been replacing my black oil as frequently as i should..the window's down, and the air is rushing in..adding to the weight as i still drive on ahead..everyone is moving so fast..everyone is passing by..the radiator is almost dry, and there's smoke bellowing from the hood..but i still can't stop, because my destination is still far away..and all these cars are passing me by..

it won't be too long before i catch on fire....then "boom" goes my engine?..

Statement of Realisation

The quality of a "friendship" is not defined by the number of years it has existed, rather more through choices made in experiences together..agree?..

a person can be in close contact and proximity to another person for years but not be "friends"..

two or more people can be "friends" for decades and not know anything about each other..

on the other hand, a complete stranger can spare 5 minutes in their life to express respect, acknowledgement, care and humanity..enough to be considered a "friend" right?..

sadly i feel that people can call each other "friends" and completely misunderstand the concept..what has happened to the term "friendship"..i hate people who misuse it to gain for their own selfish benefits..

the world doesn't have to be that cold..bonds between people are meant to be more than just means of survival..true "friendship" is a gift to be nurtured..

Moving On..??

wah, ever since soraya's back this 2 weeks (2 rite?), my days have been filled with lots of activities again :) hee..have been seeing munif less though *sad :'( but he's been really busy training and all and it's best that i don't disturb him much i guess..not like i'm helping the situation if he come's over anyway rite..i'm no good at helping him train...so sad...

i really should start on my portfolio..am expecting to work after raya, but have to actually get a job first rite..aih..which proves to be quite a task for a lot of people at the moment..wow, am i relaxed..horrible alia, horrible...

doing "nothing" is beginning to annoy me already :p..i'm bored of doing nothing..i'm ready to move on and get a job..i need a constant amount of money already anyway..am eating into my savings and that's really not a good thing...

urgh!! i know i have to start getting off my lazy @s& and start preparing for the next chapter, which is work! but i'm in denial!! i don't want to, but i want to, but i malas! 

oh my God..help me please :(